JPMorgan CEO Expects Middle East Peace but Wants No Missiles on His WiFi
KEY POINTS
- •Jamie Dimon expressed optimism for Middle Eastern peace despite the ongoing Iran war during the Hill and Valley Forum.
- •He emphasized that countries like Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Israel, and the US are aligned in seeking stability to attract foreign investment.
- •Dimon warned that missile attacks on vital $10 billion data centers in Dubai and Abu Dhabi jeopardize the region's financial growth.
Jamie Dimon, JPMorgan's ringmaster of financial optimism, claimed on a crisp Tuesday in Washington DC that despite Iran’s multi-week missile fiesta, Middle Eastern nations plus America want permanent peace. Dimon casually linked peace to foreign investments, noting UAE cities Dubai and Abu Dhabi are now financial hubs, though slightly hindered when neighbors lob ballistic missiles into their data centers—which reportedly cost around $10 billion each, must have Netflix, and apparently zero missile insurance. Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted cheerful denials about end-of-war talks with Iran, sending stocks on an emotional rollercoaster as Amazon mourned three drone-struck data centers. Clearly, peace here is just a highly volatile startup.
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(1 of 3)Nothing says Middle East peace talks like billion-dollar data centers playing dodgeball with ballistic missiles while CEOs pray for WiFi stability.
If $10 billion data centers can’t even survive Middle East shrapnel, we’re truly in the era where tech infrastructure shakes harder than stock markets.
Jamie Dimon’s peace plan: let’s keep shooting missiles but not near the data centers, because who needs peace when you have broadband?
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 3/24/2026 | Author: Alice Tecotzky
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