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80-Year-Old Lawyer Demands Voting Overhaul Because Machines Are Too Fancy
Peter Ticktin fights democracy with his ancient playbook from Florida’s future museum.
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Iran War Turns U.S. Debt Into Hot Potato None Wants to Grab
Just weeks after the U.S. and Israel decided to play Risk on Iran, 10-year Treasury yields hopped from a chill 3.96% to a sweaty 4.45% that very morning, before slightly cooling to 4.42%. Meanwhile, mortgage rates soared from a February flirtation at 5.99% …
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American Tourist Saves Thousands, Traffic Jams Interstate For Flowers Instead
Bernadette Rankin, apparently allergic to European airfare, swapped the Netherlands for Northwest Washington's Skagit Valley Tulip Festival in 2024, dropping a mere $15 plus tax for a no re-entry RoozenGaarde ticket. This farm boasts 200 tulip types, perfec…
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Savannah Guthrie Returns to ‘Today’ Despite Mom’s Vanishing Act in Arizona
Savannah Guthrie, anchoring the dawn chaos on NBC’s Today show, is bravely returning on April 6 after a nearly two-month break caused by the sudden midnight disappearance of her 84-year-old mom, Nancy, near Tucson, Arizona. Apparently, abducted from a quiet…
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80-Year-Old Lawyer Demands Voting Overhaul Because Machines Are Too Fancy
Peter Ticktin fights democracy with his ancient playbook from Florida’s future museum.
Meet Peter Ticktin, the 80-year-old Florida lawyer who moonlights as a Trump club member and 2020 election conspiracy si...
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US and Israel Claim They Broke Iran’s Military Like a Kid’s Toy, Iran Still Plays Rough
Zombie regimes and cheap drones ensure the war’s not ending anytime soon.
In a theatrical display dubbed 'Operation Epic Fury,' the US and Israel have reportedly snuffed out seven of Iran's top ...
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Oura CEO Reveals Ultimate Micromanagement: Secretly Peeping On Slack
Because why disturb face-to-face work when you can cowardly lurk digitally?
Tom Hale, the stealthy CEO of Oura, the $11 billion smart ring empire, has mastered the art of 'digital lurking.' Since ...
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Nuki Smart Lock Charges $5.90 Monthly to Stop Charging $5.90 Monthly
They raised the price to make their subscription free, because logic.
In a brilliant marketing twist, Nuki launched its Smart Lock at $159.99 in July 2025, then heroically raised the price t...
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Iran War Turns U.S. Debt Into Hot Potato None Wants to Grab
Bond traders auction panic while mortgage rates cry Uncle again.
Just weeks after the U.S. and Israel decided to play Risk on Iran, 10-year Treasury yields hopped from a chill 3.96% to ...
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American Tourist Saves Thousands, Traffic Jams Interstate For Flowers Instead
Turns out, millions of tulips and $15 tickets are all you need for Midwest romance.
Bernadette Rankin, apparently allergic to European airfare, swapped the Netherlands for Northwest Washington's Skagit Va...
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Savannah Guthrie Returns to ‘Today’ Despite Mom’s Vanishing Act in Arizona
Because nothing says ‘family’ like on-air agony and broken-poetry vibes.
Savannah Guthrie, anchoring the dawn chaos on NBC’s Today show, is bravely returning on April 6 after a nearly two-month...
Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash
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Obama Tells Nervous Newsom: ‘Burn the Rulebook, We’re Democrats Now’
When ‘go high’ becomes ‘throw redistricting grenades,’ even Obama’s speechless.
On a politically seismic day, California's Gov. Gavin Newsom dialed up Barack Obama expecting a polite 'maybe chill' on ...
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TSA Staffing Crisis Turns JFK Airport Into Real-Life 'Hold My Beer' Line Simulator
480 agents quit mid-shutdown, and World Cup fans might just walk on air this summer.
Senate dodged a government shutdown bullet with a last-second deal to fund the Department of Homeland Security, but the ...
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JD Vance, War Skeptic Turned Peace Talk Showrunner, Tries Not to Get Cancelled by Israel
VP’s biggest mission yet: ending a war he didn’t really want in the first place.
Vice President JD Vance, who spent most of the build-up side-eyeing Israel’s 'sunshine and rainbows' war forecasts, is n...
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Mercedes CEO Moves HQ Closer to Work, Discovers $34M Playground Problem
Turns out fixing inefficiency costs way more than building a piano car factory.
Jason Hoff, who slipped into the CEO chair of Mercedes North America less than a year ago, is on a mission to cure corpo...
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Senate Pays TSA but Leaves ICE to Dream of Paychecks in 2026 Shutdown Saga
Because securing airports is vital, but immigrants can wait for their emergency snacks.
On March 27, the Senate bravely declared TSA's snack-less apocalypse over—well, almost. They funded the Department of Ho...
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Chelsea Handler Detours from Grandpa Dating Club, Goes Full Vegas Youth
Too hot for 65-year-olds, Handler chooses casino-flavored May-December romance.
Chelsea Handler, the sharp-witted 51-year-old comedian, has flipped the script on age-gap dating like a blackjack dealer...
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Toppled Dictator Faces Trial While Treasury Puts His Legal Bills on Hold
Because even alleged narco-terrorists can’t get a break paying lawyers.
Eighty-two days post-capture at a Caracas military fort, Nicolás Maduro and his wife, Cilia Flores, have multiple New Yo...
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Iran Demands RSVP Before South Korean Ships Can RSVP to Strait Party
Because nothing says ‘safe passage’ like getting a formal nod from Tehran first.
In a bureaucratic twist that makes waiting in DMV lines look efficient, Iranian envoy Saeed Khuzechi told South Korea th...
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Trump’s Plan To ‘Negotiate’ War In Middle East By Sending More Troops
Nothing says peace talks like 10,000 boots storming the sandboxes.
In a stunning display of traditional diplomacy - aka sending 10,000 new combat troops to the Middle East - the Trump adm...
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Pentagon Blacklists AI Firm for Being Too Loud on Press, Judge Rolls Eyes
Anthropic’s crime? Publicly complaining about being called a security risk.
In a bureaucratic masterpiece, Anthropic, the AI start-up, staged a weeks-long standoff with the Pentagon after being sl...
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Senate Pleads to Fund DHS, But ICE and TSA Still Playing Hard to Get
John Thune wants peace, Trump just wants TSA to punch a paycheck.
Senate Majority Leader John Thune tried sounding optimistic Thursday night, urging GOP senators to 'fund DHS sustainably...
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FCC Chair Accidentally Pietà's Broadcast Rights with Tweet-Quote Threat
Brendan Carr insists he wasn’t actually threatening war coverage licenses, whoops.
On March 14th, Brendan Carr, Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission and part-time Twitter quote-tweeter, ampl...
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Trump Promises TSA Pay via Executive Order, Congress Left Blinking
Because who needs Congress when you can just say 'I’m the boss'?
On March 23, 2026, at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport—because where else would national chaos debut?—fo...