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Billionaire Throws $2 Billion At Meta, Hopes AI Stops Stock From Flatlining
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Business

Billionaire Throws $2 Billion At Meta, Hopes AI Stops Stock From Flatlining

Because nothing screams future like $135 billion sunk into data centers and a steady 3.5 billion users.

On May 22, 2025, Bill Ackman’s Pershing Square chilled at The Pool in New York while quietly betting a cool $2 billion—r...

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FAA Shuts Down El Paso Airspace For Ten Days Over ‘Cartel Drone Drama’
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US News

FAA Shuts Down El Paso Airspace For Ten Days Over ‘Cartel Drone Drama’

Officials clueless, Pentagon testing weapons, FAA panics like it’s 9/11 again.

On February 7, 2026, El Paso’s airspace got ghosted for 10 whole days thanks to what Secretary Sean Duffy heroically dec...

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Microsoft’s Notepad Got Hacked By MarkDown to Mark Your Downfall
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Technology

Microsoft’s Notepad Got Hacked By MarkDown to Mark Your Downfall

Clicking a link in your humble Notepad file could perform digital voodoo.

On Tuesday, Microsoft bravely announced a fix for a terrifying vulnerability in everyone's favorite humble text editor, ...

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Big Tech Plans to Lay Off Half Their Engineers, Upgrade to AI Overlords
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Technology

Big Tech Plans to Lay Off Half Their Engineers, Upgrade to AI Overlords

Because who needs humans when you can pay GPUs more than salaries?

Steve Yegge, a self-declared software veteran who rubbed elbows with Jeff Bezos during Amazon's early wildfire years and...

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House Democrats Debate Loud Rebels Versus Silent Snobs For Trump Show
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Politics

House Democrats Debate Loud Rebels Versus Silent Snobs For Trump Show

Because why disrupt when you can just sulk quietly or skip class entirely?

In a dazzling display of political subtlety, House Democrats held a whip meeting Wednesday where Hakeem Jeffries laid ou...

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Goldman Sachs Raises Desk-Dinner Budget $5, Wall Street Still Starving
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Business

Goldman Sachs Raises Desk-Dinner Budget $5, Wall Street Still Starving

Because when your day ends at 8 p.m., cake costs serious green.

Goldman Sachs, home to nearly 50,000 caffeine-fueled deal junkies, announced a lavish $5 boost in its late-night office ...

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Couple Turns House Into Coffee Shop, Child Builds Fortress of Pillows in Annex
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Business

Couple Turns House Into Coffee Shop, Child Builds Fortress of Pillows in Annex

Home is where the cortado is, and the 3-year-old’s nap war rages on.

In January 2026, Sydney Wayser and Isaac Watters merged their life, love, and LA home by launching Granada, a coffee sho...

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US Adds 130,000 Jobs in January, Revises Last Year’s Hilarious Inflation of 584,000 Down to 181,000
Photo by Yassin Dawoud on Unsplash
Business

US Adds 130,000 Jobs in January, Revises Last Year’s Hilarious Inflation of 584,000 Down to 181,000

Government shutdown delays jobs report, but not the magic job-vanishing act.

In an epic display of schedule dyslexia, the monthly jobs report showed up on a Wednesday instead of its sexy Friday slo...

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Man Cleared in Savannah Guthrie Mom Case Because 'Not the Suspect,' Honestly
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US News

Man Cleared in Savannah Guthrie Mom Case Because 'Not the Suspect,' Honestly

FBI hunts masked mystery while guy at house insists he’s just here for Netflix.

In the latest episode of 'Who Took Nancy Guthrie?,' FBI and local cops grilled a man living 60 miles south of Tucson aft...

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Uber’s AI Grocery Bot Remembers Your Brand Loyalty, Judge Not Your Diet
Photo by Behnam Mohsenzadeh on Unsplash
Technology

Uber’s AI Grocery Bot Remembers Your Brand Loyalty, Judge Not Your Diet

Because who else will faithfully add that artisanal oat milk you can’t live without?

On the horizon of 2024’s relentless tech convenience wave, Uber has unveiled 'Cart Assistant,' an AI sidekick in the Ube...

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Army’s New Software Ends Hourlong Meetings, Leaves Generals Wondering What To Do
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US News

Army’s New Software Ends Hourlong Meetings, Leaves Generals Wondering What To Do

Turns out soldiers prefer clicking save over staff meetings - who knew?

In an effort spearheaded by Maj. Gen. Patrick Ellis, the US Army’s new Next Generation Command and Control (NGC2) softwa...

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FAA Declares El Paso No-Fly Zone Because You Know, Security Or Something
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US News

FAA Declares El Paso No-Fly Zone Because You Know, Security Or Something

Grounded flights, baffled locals, and no clue what’s really going on.

On a Tuesday night surprise nobody wanted, the FAA slapped El Paso, TX, with a 10-mile no-fly donut that kills all fligh...

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UK Wealth Managers Panic as AI Reads Their Clients’ Pay Stubs Better Than Them
Photo by Timo Volz on Unsplash
Business

UK Wealth Managers Panic as AI Reads Their Clients’ Pay Stubs Better Than Them

Turns out robots can do your taxes without your bank account crying.

In a dazzling display of human obsolescence, UK wealth management shares took a nosedive on Wednesday morning after Altr...

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Hospitals Need a Million Medics, Find Less Than Half; Humans > AI, Still Hiring
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Health

Hospitals Need a Million Medics, Find Less Than Half; Humans > AI, Still Hiring

Waiting rooms grow while rural hospitals cry into their empty scrubs.

Meet US healthcare's awkward Tinder scene: 702,000 open medical jobs each month but only 306,000 willing singles—or work...

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Marriott Pays $23M to End Romance with Sonder, Guests Pay for Heartbreak
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Business

Marriott Pays $23M to End Romance with Sonder, Guests Pay for Heartbreak

Some breakups cost dinner; Marriott’s cost $23 million and ruined vacations.

In a breakup that’s so costly it belongs in a soap opera, Marriott dunked $23 million down the emotional drain terminati...

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Trump Demands Democrats Be Hung For Saying ‘Don’t Break The Law’
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Politics

Trump Demands Democrats Be Hung For Saying ‘Don’t Break The Law’

Because reminding soldiers of the Constitution is apparently sedition worthy now.

In a political saga that smells like a tangled GOP fever dream, a bipartisan band of veteran Democrats including Sen. El...

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Ukraine’s Starlink Registration Turns Into Blackmail Hot Potato Festival
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World News

Ukraine’s Starlink Registration Turns Into Blackmail Hot Potato Festival

Apparently, signing up your satellite internet could mean criminal charges or a $230 bribe.

In an epic tech twist, Kyiv has put SpaceX's Starlink on a whitelist tighter than your last VIP club bouncer, all to kee...

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FBI Hunts Full-Faced Ski Mask After It Decides Home Invasion Is New Hobby
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
US News

FBI Hunts Full-Faced Ski Mask After It Decides Home Invasion Is New Hobby

Nothing says 'friendly neighborhood' like armed visitors tampering with doorbell cams.

On February 1, 2026, Nancy Guthrie, an 84-year-old Arizona resident and the mother of 'Today' show anchor Savannah Guthr...

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Masked Mystery Man Steals Spotlight While Savannah's Mom Pulls Vanishing Act
Photo by JC Cervantes on Unsplash
US News

Masked Mystery Man Steals Spotlight While Savannah's Mom Pulls Vanishing Act

FBI says deleted evidence might include a ‘recording device removal’ Easter egg hunt.

In a real-life episode of 'Law & Order: Tucson,' 84-year-old Nancy Guthrie went MIA from her Catalina Foothills home on ...

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Toyota Finally Shoots For EV Glory, Bets Highlander Will Save Their Soul
Photo by Sajad Nori on Unsplash
Technology

Toyota Finally Shoots For EV Glory, Bets Highlander Will Save Their Soul

Because when your 20-year gas SUV legacy meets electric, chaos is guaranteed.

In a move that screams 'we’ve been slow, but not asleep,' Toyota unveiled their 2027 Highlander EV, a three-row midsize ...

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