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JPMorgan CEO Expects Middle East Peace but Wants No Missiles on His WiFi
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Business

JPMorgan CEO Expects Middle East Peace but Wants No Missiles on His WiFi

Because nothing says stability like $10 billion data centers dodging ballistic missiles.

Jamie Dimon, JPMorgan's ringmaster of financial optimism, claimed on a crisp Tuesday in Washington DC that despite Iran’...

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Trump’s Secret Iran Peace Talks: Waiting on Tehran Like It’s Uber Eats
Photo by ev on Unsplash
World News

Trump’s Secret Iran Peace Talks: Waiting on Tehran Like It’s Uber Eats

Everyone’s texting each other but no one’s picking up the peace call yet.

In the latest episode of “Is This Real?”, Trump’s team is cooking up high-stakes peace talks with Iran, ideally by Thurs...

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Apple Watch SE 3 Pretends to Be Premium, Skips Tiny Heart Drama
Photo by Sumudu Mohottige on Unsplash
Technology

Apple Watch SE 3 Pretends to Be Premium, Skips Tiny Heart Drama

Now with S10 chip, but still no voodoo like blood oxygen or EKG.

Apple's latest Apple Watch SE 3 dropped to a bargain-basement-unicorn $219 at Amazon on the 40mm GPS model, with LTE jum...

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TSA Agents On Unpaid Strike Turn Airports Into Waiting Room Warzones
Photo by Lee Sidbury on Unsplash
US News

TSA Agents On Unpaid Strike Turn Airports Into Waiting Room Warzones

Four-hour security waits now sponsored by government paychecks that never arrived.

On March 23, 2026, travelers at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International faced security lines so legendary they might ...

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Eater's New App Turns Food Lovers Into Professional List Hoarders
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Technology

Eater's New App Turns Food Lovers Into Professional List Hoarders

Now you can stalk chefs’ dinner plans and pretend to have 'insider info.'

The Eater app just went full foodie paparazzi with a new update letting you explore where chefs like Eric Ripert crown t...

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Ares Tells Investors ‘We Heard You Asking for $1.2 Billion, Here’s Half’
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
Business

Ares Tells Investors ‘We Heard You Asking for $1.2 Billion, Here’s Half’

Because who doesn’t love partial refunds on billion-dollar breakups?

In the glamorous Q1 financial drama, Ares Strategic Income Fund faced investor-energy levels akin to a toddler demanding...

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Nintendo Plans Switch 2 Glut, then Panics Over US No-Shows
Photo by Hongwei FAN on Unsplash
Technology

Nintendo Plans Switch 2 Glut, then Panics Over US No-Shows

Four million made, but six million dreamed—America hits snooze button.

Nintendo, the stalwart titan of pixelated joy, announced a 33% production cut for its Switch 2 consoles this quarter—fro...

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Married Woman Travels Solo So Husband Can Chase Golf Balls in Peace
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Health

Married Woman Travels Solo So Husband Can Chase Golf Balls in Peace

Turns out 'golf widow' is a title worth bragging about.

Jaime Mazur, a certified sommelier since 2018 who's poured over vineyards from Michigan to France, embraces solo trips t...

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Denmark Election Ends When Nobody Can Form a Government, Shockingly
Photo by Paul SchnĂŒrle on Unsplash
Politics

Denmark Election Ends When Nobody Can Form a Government, Shockingly

Danish voters get democracy with a side of political deadlock for dessert.

As Danes queued up Monday, March 24, 2026, in what felt like a Euro-election Grand Prix (France, Germany, Italy, Sloveni...

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AI Users Pull Ahead While The Rest Flail Like Dial-Up Modems in 2026
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
Technology

AI Users Pull Ahead While The Rest Flail Like Dial-Up Modems in 2026

Master prompts or become one of AI’s lost and confused wandering peasants.

Anthropic, the company behind Claude (the AI that’s apparently smarter than your intern), dropped a huge report in March...

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DoorDash Turns Delivery Drivers Into Shelf Paparazzi and AI Whisperers
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Business

DoorDash Turns Delivery Drivers Into Shelf Paparazzi and AI Whisperers

Because gig workers delivering food was apparently too boring.

In a stunning pivot that screams 2026 desperation, DoorDash now wants its gig workers not just delivering lattes but als...

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Ex-Navy Pilot Starts PAC To Fly Democrats Back To Center—And Hope
Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash
Politics

Ex-Navy Pilot Starts PAC To Fly Democrats Back To Center—And Hope

Mikie’s 'Mission to Deliver' sounds less like politics, more like FedEx on caffeine.

New Jersey’s Governor Mikie Sherrill, who transitioned from Navy helicopter pilot to political air traffic controller, i...

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AI Kills Jobs, Suggests Everyone Become 'Mini CEO' of Their Laundry
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Business

AI Kills Jobs, Suggests Everyone Become 'Mini CEO' of Their Laundry

Perplexity boss pitches AI job apocalypse as a startup branding opportunity.

On the bright side of robot domination, Aravind Srinivas, Perplexity CEO (yep, the AI search engine startup cashing $20 ...

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Politicians, Athletes Banned From Betting Unless They Master Mind Reading First
Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplash
Business

Politicians, Athletes Banned From Betting Unless They Master Mind Reading First

Kalshi now pre-blocks insider traders because after-the-fact bans were sooo 2025.

Kalshi, a New York City prediction markets app, announced on a Monday more anticlimactic than your Monday, that it’s ins...

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Pentagon Shuts Corridor, Escorts Journalists Like They’re VIPs In A Spy Movie
Photo by J Glasner on Unsplash
US News

Pentagon Shuts Corridor, Escorts Journalists Like They’re VIPs In A Spy Movie

New rules say journalism is NATO-level clearance—bring your own bodyguard.

In a bold move worthy of a Tom Clancy novel, on Monday, Pentagon mouthpiece Sean Parnell announced a fresh media policy ...

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Senator Confirmed as DHS Chief Despite Party's Internal Broken Rib Drama
Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash
Politics

Senator Confirmed as DHS Chief Despite Party's Internal Broken Rib Drama

One senator votes no, demanding answers about assault before Chair chairs chair.

Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) just climbed the DHS throne, confirmed 54-45 mainly with GOP votes. This came during the hott...

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FCC Declares Your Friendly Neighborhood Foreign Router National Security Threat
Photo by Brelyn Bashrum on Unsplash
Technology

FCC Declares Your Friendly Neighborhood Foreign Router National Security Threat

Turns out your Wi-Fi may be a spy and your breakfast toaster next.

In a move no one saw coming, the Federal Communications Commission decided in December to ban all future foreign-made dr...

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Microsoft Promises Self-Sufficient AI by Hiring New Overlord, Again
Photo by Praswin Prakashan on Unsplash
Technology

Microsoft Promises Self-Sufficient AI by Hiring New Overlord, Again

Mustafa Suleyman’s superintelligence dream just got its corporate VP life coach.

In a move that screams 'Let’s build Skynet but with HR,' Microsoft welcomed Ali Farhadi as corporate VP under Mustafa Su...

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Man Survives Air Canada Plane Crash, Plans To Fly Again Because Why Not
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
US News

Man Survives Air Canada Plane Crash, Plans To Fly Again Because Why Not

Turbulence was the appetizer; crash landing, the main course of gratitude.

On March 22, 22-year-old Ithaca College student Jack Cabot was minding his own business on the ill-fated Air Canada Flig...

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Parents Told To Consolidate Loans Like They Consolidate Existential Dread By April 1
Photo by Pix Tresa on Unsplash
US News

Parents Told To Consolidate Loans Like They Consolidate Existential Dread By April 1

Miss deadline and enjoy paying up to $65K per kid forever, or close enough.

In a plot twist only Washington could write, parent PLUS borrowers have until April 1, 2026, to consolidate their loans ...

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