Mockingbird News

AI Kills Jobs, Suggests Everyone Become 'Mini CEO' of Their Laundry

Perplexity boss pitches AI job apocalypse as a startup branding opportunity.

On the bright side of robot domination, Aravind Srinivas, Perplexity CEO (yep, the AI search engine startup cashing $20 ...

Politicians, Athletes Banned From Betting Unless They Master Mind Reading First

Kalshi now pre-blocks insider traders because after-the-fact bans were sooo 2025.

Kalshi, a New York City prediction markets app, announced on a Monday more anticlimactic than your Monday, that it’s ins...

Pentagon Shuts Corridor, Escorts Journalists Like They’re VIPs In A Spy Movie

New rules say journalism is NATO-level clearance—bring your own bodyguard.

In a bold move worthy of a Tom Clancy novel, on Monday, Pentagon mouthpiece Sean Parnell announced a fresh media policy ...

Senator Confirmed as DHS Chief Despite Party's Internal Broken Rib Drama

One senator votes no, demanding answers about assault before Chair chairs chair.

Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) just climbed the DHS throne, confirmed 54-45 mainly with GOP votes. This came during the hott...

FCC Declares Your Friendly Neighborhood Foreign Router National Security Threat

Turns out your Wi-Fi may be a spy and your breakfast toaster next.

In a move no one saw coming, the Federal Communications Commission decided in December to ban all future foreign-made dr...

Microsoft Promises Self-Sufficient AI by Hiring New Overlord, Again

Mustafa Suleyman’s superintelligence dream just got its corporate VP life coach.

In a move that screams 'Let’s build Skynet but with HR,' Microsoft welcomed Ali Farhadi as corporate VP under Mustafa Su...

Man Survives Air Canada Plane Crash, Plans To Fly Again Because Why Not

Turbulence was the appetizer; crash landing, the main course of gratitude.

On March 22, 22-year-old Ithaca College student Jack Cabot was minding his own business on the ill-fated Air Canada Flig...

Parents Told To Consolidate Loans Like They Consolidate Existential Dread By April 1

Miss deadline and enjoy paying up to $65K per kid forever, or close enough.

In a plot twist only Washington could write, parent PLUS borrowers have until April 1, 2026, to consolidate their loans ...

Trump Hits Pause On Power Plant Blasting, Iran Promises Neighborhood Water Fight

Because nothing says international crisis like a five-day timeout and British economic group therapy.

In a global soap opera headline, on March 22-23, 2026, Iranian parliament speaker casually denied any talks with the US—...

Donut Lab’s Battery Barely Holds Charge, Still Couldn’t Start a Fire

Exploding batteries are out, softly dying ones are the future.

Donut Lab, a company determined to convince everyone their solid-state battery is legit, invited Finland’s state-owned V...

Woman Enjoys Solo Mexican Art Tour While Husband Declares 76 Degrees Fiery Apocalypse

Man fears heat wave; wife binge-paints and makes friends with funeral Uber driver alone.

Louisa Rogers took a legendary 48-hour solo break in Querétaro, Mexico—while her Brit husband Barry panicked about tempe...

Florida Woman Mourns Grandma’s Palm-Tree Prison, Calls It 'Hidden Gem'

Because nothing says paradise like islands of solitude and lost Spanish gold.

Michelle Polizzi mourns the sale of her grandma's 1974 Fort Pierce home, an East Coast Florida oasis where palm trees co...

Govee Launches Outdoor Lights That Can Celebrate Every Mood Swing Ever

Now your backyard bulbs can match your indecisive personality zone by zone.

In a dazzling move on a non-specific March day in 2026, Govee unveiled its Outdoor Chromatic String Lights — because why...

Dietitian's Travel Snacks More Prepared Than Her Flight Itineraries

Packing 17g of protein beats packing a prayer for layover survival.

Lauren Manaker, dietitian and frequent jet-setter, packs a snack arsenal in her carry-on like a nutritional commando. Sh...

Trump Hits Pause On Power Plant Strikes—Negotiations Or Nap Time?

Turns out 'very good and productive conversation' means no nukes for five days.

In a plot twist that confused stock traders and meme lords alike, President Trump suspended his plan to attack Iran's po...

ABC Journalists Storm Out, Breaking 20-Year No-Strike Streak Just Like Glass

After two decades, ABC finally proves unions can remember how to strike.

For the first time since Y2K parties were still awkward, ABC journalists are ditching their desks on March 27, 2024. Spo...

OpenAI: The Silicon Valley Talent Carousel Nobody Asked For

They steal your star coders, incubate startups, then poach them back again.

Since launching ChatGPT in 2023, OpenAI, co-founded by Sam Altman and ex-Elon Musk, exploded from 1,000 to 4,000 employe...

America’s New Arsenal: Missiles and McLaren Parts Built in Same Container

Why choose one when you can 3D-print a missile, then a sports car, all before lunch?

At Divergent Technologies in Torrance, CA, a shipping-container-size AI drone hums merrily as it layers aluminum and som...

AI Misses Oscar, Labels Itself 'Influencer of the Year'

AI influencers are now taking the stage with awards for things like 'best fitness' and 'funny comedian,' because clearly...

Ozempic Goes Generic, Weight Loss Party Starts

Novo Nordisk's $ debated blockbuster Ozempic and Wegovy are losing patents worldwide, with India and China ready to floo...