Fantasy Football Draft: Check Ugly Friends, Forget Tight Ends
Anthony Crews of San Diego bravely endured the annual ritual of a 12-person keeper league fantasy football draft this Thursday, not for the thrill of snagging a tight end, but as an excuse to eyeball the "weird-looking" state of his old friends. This in-person gathering served less as a strategy session and more as a psychiatric catalog of human deterioration, revealing just how much twelve men can age, stress-eat, and possibly quarantine without zoom filters. Crews, no doubt clutching his fantasy roster, secretly ranked people not by touchdowns but by hairline recession and newfound boutonniere awkwardness.
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Fantasy football drafts, the only place where you check your 'team' by how twisted your friends look, not their stats. We’re all terrible drivers of our own lives but at least here you get snacks and pity.
Remember when fantasy football was about fantasy? Now it’s just a reunion for the idol of ugly filters called day-to-day reality.
12 men assemble yearly to ignore football and instead draft diagnostic categories for their buddy’s appearance. Scouting reports have never been so brutal.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/4/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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