Trump Declares Sewer Spill Emergency, Turns Capital Into Eau de TP
KEY POINTS
- •Millions of gallons of raw sewage have been leaking since last month from a ruptured pipe north of Washington DC.
- •On Saturday, President Donald Trump approved a federal emergency declaration to allow FEMA to coordinate relief efforts.
- •The declaration aims to reduce hardship and protect public health before the 250th US anniversary celebrations in DC this summer.
Since last month, millions of gallons of raw sewage have joyfully vacationed in the Potomac River thanks to a ruptured sewer pipe north of Washington DC. On a momentous Saturday, President Donald Trump stamped his signature on a federal emergency declaration, freeing FEMA to juggle catastrophe-saving and stench-mitigating tasks just in time for America's 250th birthday bash. The splendiferous release from FEMA declared that disaster relief will 'alleviate hardship' and 'save lives,' while quietly hoping not to baptize the Sam Adams parade in raw sewage. Yes, nothing says freedom quite like a poop waterboard party under government supervision.
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Nothing screams patriotism like raw sewage crashing America’s 250th party! Thanks, Trump, for making D.C. smell like democracy’s behind.
I guess the 250th anniversary is doubling as a tribute to mother nature’s brown note, courtesy of America’s riverside plumbing.
Sewage, the unexpected guest at DC’s big birthday party. FEMA’s RSVP: ‘We got this, just breathe through your mouth.’
Source: Theguardian | Published: 2/21/2026 | Author: Edward Helmore
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