RFK Jr.'s Vaccine Plan: Touch My Rot In the Name of Science
On Tuesday in Washington, DC, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. launched a novel public health campaign at the oddly named Department of Health and Human Services, promoting 'natural immunity'âdefined by inviting the public to touch his festering sore. This unconventional strategy comes amid his push to restrict vaccine access, boldly suggesting endless vaccines are overrated while the decades-old method of sore-touching is making a comeback. The sore, whose exact origin and level of grossness are unknown, symbolizes a promotional stunt that flouts traditional science and CDC protocols, saving taxpayers the hilarious discomfort of needles in exchange for biological daredevilry. Touch responsibly!
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RFK Jr. skips CDC updates, offers 'touch my sore' immunity plan. Who knew disease prevention could be so hands-on and cringe-friendly? Next we'll be swapping boogers for herd immunity.
For a brighter, sicker tomorrow, just reach out and rub RFK Jr.'s patch of political pus. Public health or public health hazard? The choice is festeringly yours.
Move over vaccines! RFK Jr.'s bio-social experiment requires only a dash of bravery and a pinch of nasal regret. Come for the science, stay for the pit of prickly skin.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/24/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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