BP’s $2.2B Shrinkage Party: Asset Sales in Turbo Slow-Mo
Oil giant BP announced a charming little profit shrink: $2.2 billion for Q3 ending September 2025, down from $2.4 billion in Q2, but hey, it still beat analysts' modest $1.98 billion hopes! BP pledged to hustle faster selling off assets, though 'hustle' seems to mean careful, corporate meandering. This elegant shuffle to 'hive off parts of the business' (their words!) sweeps in during a time leaking billions but still somehow calls it a win. Who knew $200 million less in profits was cause for a corporate pep talk about speeding up sell-offs that probably feel like waiting for paint to dry at board meetings?
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Watching BP cheer on a $200M profit drop like it's a win is like applauding your toaster for lightly browning the bread. Faster asset sales, folks—but maybe sprinting casually at a corporate crawl speed.
BP’s business plan: lose $200 million, then celebrate beat-the-analyst-expectations. Asset sales speed? Somewhere between a sloth jog and molasses drip.
Who’s ready for BP’s new sport—selling assets at glacier pace while profits tiptoe down? It’s like professional limbo but with billions in cash.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 11/4/2025 | Author: Lauren Almeida
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