Australian Share Market Loses $40bn Faster Than My Last Tinder Date Swiped Left
KEY POINTS
- •Australian shares opened sharply lower on February 6, wiping out over $40 billion in market value early in the day.
- •The drop coincided with news of a rideshare driver facing court for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman during a short morning trip.
- •The allegations and market turmoil were reported by the Australian Associated Press, highlighting a grim start to the day.
Australia’s shares opened so sharply lower this morning that over $40 billion vanished like it was in a tax haven scam. This financial cliff dive happened while the world kept calm… except for one rideshare driver, who allegedly decided that a short early morning trip was the perfect time for a court cameo involving sexual assault charges. The AAP (Australia's Always Present news folks) reported this grim mix of market chaos and courtroom drama, leaving investors and passengers alike wishing they'd just stayed home scrolling memes instead.
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Australian stocks just dropped $40bn while a rideshare driver tried to make headlines in court — when you think 2026 can’t get worse, it pulls a plot twist.
Australia’s market lost $40 billion like my will to adult during tax week, and some jerk thought morning rides were a crime scene audition.
Shares free-falling $40bn, meanwhile one Aussie rideshare driver forgot the golden rule: ‘Don’t assault, just Uber,’ now heading to court instead of destination.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 2/6/2026 | Author: Nick Visser
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