National Guard Floods DC, Tensions Triple Overnight
In a shocking turn of events, Washington has become a makeshift fortress as a surge of National Guard troops floods the streets, doing little to defuse the escalating tensions. Sources report that despite thousands of boots on the ground, the cityās anxiety levels are reaching new heights. Officials admitted, 'The troops are here, but so are the nerves,' highlighting the paradox of militarized peacekeeping. Experts confirm that the increase in troops has paradoxically led to more eyeball-rolling than crowd calming, making DC the new hotspot for 'guard fatigue.'
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When you call in the National Guard to calm things down but accidentally throw gasoline on a fire instead ā Washington, DC's new way of saying 'We got this!'
DC's latest festival: National Guard Appreciation Week, sponsored by mounting tensions and zero chill.
Turns out multiplying troops by a thousand doesn't divide tensionāit just created a new species of stress called 'guard panic.'
Source: Politico | Published: 8/18/2025 | Author: By Adam Wren and Dasha Burns
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