Nothing fuels conspiracy faster than a half-hidden map that’s opt-in but feels like a secret tracker. Instagram’s new feature is basically the social media equivalent of a snooze button you didn’t press but still blame for oversleeping.

Instagram rolled out a map so stealthy even I had to double-check my location wasn’t being broadcast from grandma’s basement. Meta: Masters of privacy gymnastic maneuvers since forever.

Users panic over IG’s new ‘secret map’ feature like it’s a GPS chip surgically implanted during a cookie download. Spoiler: You’re not easier to track than your last coffee spill.