Baltimoreās Murder Rate Drops; Criminals Now Accepting Job Offers
In a shocking turn of events, Baltimoreās murder rate has plunged to a five-decade low thanks to a "kitchen sink" of federal money and 'focused deterrence' programs offering job training and mental health support. Mayor Brandon Scott proudly stated, 'The goal was very simple... reduce homicides by 15 percent.' Meanwhile, youth like Malik say, 'I think way different ā Iām more disciplined now,' proving criminals can indeed change their minds and resumes. But brace for chaos: grant cuts are looming, threatening to take away these miraculous life coachesābecause nothing says crime prevention like defunding the helpers.
Share the Story
Baltimore went from 'shoot first, ask questions never' to 'hold my job application' after a flood of federal cash. Meanwhile, budget cuts threaten to throw this miracle off a cliff because apparently violence prevention is just too effective for some.
Guess the secret to stopping gun violence was handing out resumes and snacks this whole time? Baltimoreās got the recipe, just donāt tell the cutbacks or theyāll starve the miracle.
Baltimoreās murder rate is dropping faster than my phone battery at a family Zoom call. Tune in next week when money dries up and violence tries to swipe right again.
Source: Vox | Published: 7/25/2025 | Author: Miles Bryan
More Articles in US News
US Shutdown Hits 40 Days, Senators Finally Hustle Sunday AF
Thanksgiving Airlift Cancelled: Controllers Ditch Paychecks, Not Turkeys
Trump Fights Judge Over Food Stamps Like Itās WWE Finals
Zuccotti Park Gets Christmas Glow-UpāBankers Cry Silent Tears
Texas Girl Dates Twin, Accidentally Skyrockets Standby Airport Drama
