TikTokās Board Game: 6 Americans, 1 Algorithm, Zero Privacy
In a dazzling display of digital democracy, the White House press secretary announced that Americans will control six of the seven board seats in the newly restructured TikTok. Yes, six stars and one suspicious plain old Chinese citizen (or maybe just a green tea supplier). To sweeten the pot, the algorithmāTikTokās secret sauce that knows your cat obsession and heartbreak song hooksāwill be U.S.-controlled, likely by folks who still canāt figure out Landonās viral dance from June 2023. The age-old question: can Americans finally fix a Chinese app while not losing their memes or privacy? Stay tuned as TikTok becomes just American enough to make you question your For You page affiliations.
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TikTokās new board: six Americans controlling one algorithm like a suspicious group project where everyone claims they did most of the work, but itās still mostly a mystery how it actually works. Democracy meets digital brainwashing.
Nothing screams national security like handing control of TikTokās algorithm to six Americans and one tiny empty chair labeled 'Trust'. Imagine Jurassic Park but with inside surveillance instead of dinosaurs.
TikTokās board reshuffle: basically six Americans and one algorithm babysitter so no more weird bonus dance moves sanctioned by Beijing. Just let Uncle Sam memejack you instead.
Source: Techcrunch | Published: 9/20/2025 | Author: Anthony Ha
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