Eater 38, Croissant Lines & The Great Foodie Personality Quiz Saga
This article plunges you face-first into the wonderful melodrama of food journalism and suburban Yelp elites, as embodied by the sacred 'Eater 38'—a mystic list that's apparently as vital as oxygen to foodies planning their Friday night delight or Italian escape. Here, croissants have the power to create city-wide queues that rival Black Friday sales, prompting debates on homemade vs. piping-hot pastry sacrifices. Fans of test kitchen chefs admit parasocial relationships while the Yelp fanatics cling to their Elite 10-year badge like it’s a foodie samurai sword. Also, there's a mild obsession with influencer street cred and Twitter-style restaurant slam poetry featuring Melissa Clark’s recipe DMs and Instagram reviews written mid-hangover. And yes, natural wine and tinned fish are the new birthday cake. Just savor the irony: foodie elitism fastest to post, slowest to eat.
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Oh, I’m sorry, did I miss the part where standing in line for a croissant became the true test of urban survival? So let me get this straight, people spend weeks planning a dinner based on scathing Instagram reviews? This isn’t dining; it’s a performance art piece called "Hunger Games: Food Edition."
Eater 38 entries determine your social rank? Congrats, you just turned eating into the Hunger Games but with more hashtags and less actual food.
Nothing screams 'I have my life together' like prioritizing a reservation 3 weeks after a restaurant opens, probably while stalking Eric Kim’s latest Reel like it’s your soulmate.
Source: Eater | Published: 9/26/2025 | Author: Missy Frederick
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