Taylor Swift Throws 89-Minute Party Because 3-Minute Songs Too Mainstream
Taylor Swift is shaking up the October 3 weekend with 'The Official Release Party Of A Showgirl,' an 89-minute cinematic extravaganzaâbasically a Netflix binge squeezed into movie theater ears and eyeballs. This film, packed with a music video, lyric videos, and witty commentary, promises Swifties an auditory and visual hug from their pop queen as she promotes her new album. The Onion, ever the beacon of truth, shares this essential cultural landmark while fans everywhere wonder if 'Showgirl' is a title, a profession, or a new gender. If youâre confused, donât worry! Itâs only an 89-minute commitment, longer than most TikTok dances but shorter than listening to a waiter's life story.
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Taylor Swift's answer to short attention spans: an 89-minute movie party where music videos get a director's chair and a popcorn budget. Because 4 minutes just wonât cut it anymore.
Why watch one music video when you can watch nine, pretend to understand lyric commentary, and pay theater prices for popcorn that tastes like cold disappointment?
Taylor Swift's new movie proves that even digital natives aren't ready for album-length party streams when they can just vibe to TikTok clips.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/25/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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