Manhattan Gunman Shows Elevator Is Deadliest Commute Yet
In a shocking turn of events at 345 Park Ave, a gunman named Shane Tamura went on a spree with an 'M4 rifle,' intuitively targeting people 'taking cover behind a pillar' and a security desk, before his final stop on the 33rd floor. The incident tragically claimed four lives including NYPD Officer Didarul Islam, whom Mayor Eric Adams praised as 'representing the very best of our department.' NFL and financial giants KPMG, Blackstone also got an unwelcome visit. Meanwhile, experts confirm the elevator briefly became Gothamâs deadliest chamber, with investigations probing Tamuraâs 'documented mental health history' and motives 'still under investigation.'
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When elevator rides include a live performance of 'Spray It With Gunfire,' you know Manhattanâs 9 to 5 just got way more exciting (and deadly). Bonus: the M4 rifle commute beats subway sardines any day.
Not even Wall Street bonuses can compete with 'elevator gunfight' as the hottest Monday networking event. Suspectâs resume: Mental health history and an Uber rating that probably plummeted after this.
Breaking: Building security now mandatory to come equipped with bulletproof coffee and therapy sessions. Meanwhile, guy with a revolver in a double-parked car shows classic commitment issues.
Source: Axios | Published: 7/29/2025 | Author: Rebecca Falconer
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