99% Heart Drama: Suboptimal People's Club Membership Confirmed
In a groundbreaking revelation thatās as subtle as a brick to the face, scientists found that a staggering 99% of heart attacks, heart failures, and strokes play favorites with people boasting 'suboptimal' levels of blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, or a smoking history. No Nobel yet for 'Captain Obvious,' but this 100-year-old medical drama took a fresh spin confirming your artery troubles arenāt uniqueātheyāre basically standard-issue if you skip that kale salad once. Precisely zero percent of folks with perfect lab numbers got barred from this exclusive cardiovascular meltdown party, so congrats if you live off broccoli and have never met a cigarette lighter.
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Turns out if your blood pressure isnāt a spreadsheet dream, your heart sees you as the VIP guest at the 'Please Pass Out' club. 99%? Thatās basically your heartās way of saying 'Did you even try, buddy?'
Congrats, 99% of humanity! Your arteries just RSVP'd to the Worst Party Ever with heart attacks as the uninvited entertainment.
Someone literally did a study to confirm what your grandma yelled at you during Thanksgiving: 'Donāt eat that, youāll give yourself a stroke!' Science caught up to her.
Source: Statnews | Published: 9/29/2025 | Author: Elizabeth Cooney
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