Verizon’s 13,000-Strong Disappearing Act: Faster, Leaner, Unemployed

KEY POINTS

•Verizon announced plans on Thursday to lay off more than 13,000 employees starting in 2025.
•New CEO Dan Schulman, who began last month, stated the cuts aim to make Verizon 'faster and more focused.'
•The layoffs will affect non-union workers and intend to reduce costs and improve customer satisfaction.
•Schulman described the plan as creating a 'simpler, leaner, and scrappier' company, promising growth opportunities.

In a plot twist juicier than a soap opera cliffhanger, Verizon's new CEO Dan Schulman—who just took the reins last month—announced a layoff blitz slicing 13,000 jobs from their roughly 100,000-strong workforce starting 2025. Dubbed a certified corporate haircut meant to make Verizon 'faster and more focused,' Schulman promises this purge will 'delight customers,' presumably from a cozy new call center staffed by robots or shrink-wrapped enthusiasm. The cuts target non-union employees, so unionized workers can keep pretending they're safe in this 'simpler, leaner, scrappier' future. Meanwhile, curious Verizon employees are invited to share whistleblower stories via encrypted pigeon-mail, or just email Dominick Reuter on the sly.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

Verizon’s new CEO just invented corporate cardio: lose 13,000 employees to get ‘faster and more focused.’ Who’s signing up for the treadmill to nowhere?

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

13,000 Verizon jobs vanishing faster than your WiFi during a Zoom call. ‘Simpler, leaner, scrappier’ sounds like code for ‘please update your LinkedIn.’

169/280 charactersReady to post