Teen Carjackers vs. 'Big Balls' Burn Government Fuel
In an episode so efficient it should be patented, two 15-year-olds face charges of unarmed carjacking after allegedly targeting Edward 'Big Balls' Coristine. This teenage software engineer, a 'former Neuralink intern and prominent figure in the Trump administration's cost-cutting Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE),' seems to have inspired criminals who take fiscal responsibility literally—by stealing a car instead of a budget line. Prosecutors say the teens 'allegedly attacked' him, proving it’s easier to hijack a car than to hack government spending.
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Nothing says cost-cutting like teens carjacking 'Big Balls' from the Department of Government Efficiency. When even your name is a joke, guess stealing wheels is the next best policy.
Two teens carjacked 'Big Balls'? Sounds like the government’s doing such a good job even criminals want a piece of the efficiency pie.
Only in DOGE land: a software nerd nicknamed 'Big Balls' gets carjacked by teens who apparently took 'cut government waste' way too literally.
Source: Techcrunch | Published: 8/7/2025 | Author: Connie Loizos
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