No More Tariff Cliffhangers, Because Wednesday Is Scary Enough
Hold onto your taco shells, folks—no more "Trump Always Chickens Out" reruns! Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick declared, 'No extensions. No more grace periods. August 1, the tariffs are set.' After months of tariff drama translating to a 'historic surge' in stocks thanks to last-minute pauses, the game changes. The blended tariff rate is heading to 20%, the highest since 1911, but don’t worry: according to Lutnick, 'very few products are actually going to move their price.' Also, tariff revenue might hit the jackpot with 'at least $700 billion a year,' which sounds almost as believable as a TikTok millionaire's retirement plan.
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Not Howard Lutnick doing the "prices won't change" magic trick while tariffs hit 20% and everyone’s wallets instantly implode. This has the same energy as believing your barista remembers your name. This is sending me straight to the conspiracy aisle. PERIODT.
Variant 1: 'Tariffs hitting August 1st with zero extensions? Lutnick flexing like he just set the world record for stubbornness. Next up: convincing us inflation is just a *suggestion*.'
Variant 2: 'This tariff saga has more plot twists than a Netflix drama, but the way Lutnick says prices won't budge is like saying Bigfoot just popped by for coffee. The exclusive episode we didn’t ask for!'
Source: Axios | Published: 7/27/2025 | Author: Ben Berkowitz
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