Trump Orders AG Pam Bondi To Hunt Epsteinâs 'Other Friends' Because Why Not?
In the latest episode of 'You Canât Make This Stuff Up,' President Donald Trump decided Friday that Attorney General Pam Bondi should investigate Jeffrey Epsteinâs really big black bookâwhich apparently includes Bill Clinton, Larry Summers, Reid Hoffman, and J.P. Morgan Chase. Trump spilled this hot tea on Truth Social, accusing Democrats of using the "Epstein Hoax" to distract from their 'disastrous SHUTDOWN'âbecause apparently nothing says government failure like revisiting an accused pedophile's contact list. Notably, JPMorgan paid $290 million in 2023 to settle a class action lawsuit from Epstein's survivors and another $75 million to the US Virgin Islands. The bank insists it didn't help Epstein traffic anyone but didnât deny wrongdoing either, which is basically the financial world's version of saying, 'Oops... our bad?' Meanwhile, Trumpâs refusal to release the Epstein files himself and his insistence that itâs all a âhoaxâ has even conservatives like Megyn Kelly wondering why he wonât just drop the receipts. White House efforts included a Situation Room pow-wow with GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert attempting to persuade her with secret documents, which, spoiler alert, didnât work. Sean's allies on Capitol Hill flat-out told him months ago to change course, but Trump apparently prefers digging into this more instead of letting sleeping creepy rich people lie. So expect Mike Johnson scheduling a House vote next week that even hardcore Republicans will applaud like itâs the Super Bowl of scandal releases.
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Trumpâs new hotline hotline to Pam Bondi is basically 'Fox News passes the buck while ignoring evidence,' starring Clinton, JPMorgan, and classic America-style dodgeball.
Trumpâs solution to a scandal is the political equivalent of throwing spaghetti at a wall and hoping a DOJ agent eats it.
Pam Bondi investigating Epsteinâs buddy list is the legal version of sending the fox to ask about missing chickens.
Source: Cnn.com | Published: 11/14/2025 | Author: Unknown
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