Trump Shuts Down Trump Kennedy Center for 'World Class' Two-Year Nap

KEY POINTS

•President Trump announced on Sunday that the Trump Kennedy Center will close on July 4 for about two years.
•This closure follows event cancellations after the Center’s December renaming to include Trump’s name.
•He cited a yearlong review and input from experts, saying the closure will improve construction quality and speed.

On July 4, lest irony fly out the window, President Trump announced the Trump Kennedy Center is closing for two years of "reconstruction, revitalization, and complete rebuilding." Apparently, a yearlong review by "Highly Respected Experts" (surely not Twitter trolls) concluded that keeping it open would ruin the ‘quality of construction’—a phrase usually reserved for Ikea furniture instructions. The decision follows mass event cancellations sparked by December's rebranding of the venerable Center with Trump’s name, much to the heartbreak of Democrats and lovers of functioning performing arts. Trump boldly promises the makeover will transform the "tired, broken" venue into a "World Class Bastion of Arts, Music, and Entertainment," which sounds as believable as a Trump presidential sequel. In other words: brace yourselves for two years of silence punctuated only by ghostly tweets.