USDA Finds Money in Sofa Cushions, SNAP Benefits Unfreeze
The USDA finally dribbled out the cash to fund Novemberâs food stampsâall $8.2 billion of benefits that feed nearly 42 million Americans, or roughly 1 in 8, after a federal judge, John McConnell, threw a judicial tantrum last Thursday. Apparently, the agency claimed they had zero dollars left in the SNAP piggy bank last month, prompting a chaotic week where some states scrambled like contestants on a game show and others started dishing out partial benefits like half-baked Tinder dates. Governors like Pennsylvaniaâs Josh Shapiro promised midnight magic with EBT cards glowing by evening, while New Yorkâs Kathy Hochul and Massachusettsâ Maura Healey set the meal delivery times in their states to Sunday and Saturday, respectively. North Carolina, ever the eager intern, slapped partial November payments on 586,000 households with promises of topping up their cards by weekendâtalk about delayed touchdowns. The USDA refused to divulge where it pulled this newfound fortune from, but rumor has it Judge McConnell ordered them to raid a $5.3 billion contingency fund and also wave around some unused tariff revenues like magic cards from child nutrition programs. Most hilariously, the Trump administration, instead of just coughing up the cash, argued that the judiciaryâs order to find $4 billion couldn't be met by checking couch cushions, accosting courts for meddling in the obviously impossible 'separation of powers.' Meanwhile, USDA flouts around ignoring which dollar bridge they crossed, but hey, at least SNAP payments are back on the grid, feeding people again and winding down a federal government shutdown saga that felt like a season finale cliffhanger with hunger as the villain.
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The USDA claimed November food stamps were out of money, then found billions after a judge yelled 'do your job!' Administrationâs logic: Courts canât make money appear, but able-bodied couch cushions apparently have magic powers.
Apparently, the USDAâs secret funding strategy was just lurking under couch cushions and stuck tariff revenues. Someone should tell them about birthday money under mattressesâitâs an untapped resource too.
The Trump administration protested that courts ordering SNAP funds were 'judiciary meddling,' as if feeding millions is just an optional Netflix subscription you pause whenever funding runs out.
Source: Cnn.com | Published: 11/7/2025 | Author: Unknown