Conservatives Promise Ban on Kids’ Phones, Admit Adults Can Ignore Rules Too
KEY POINTS
- •On January 11, 2026, opposition leader announced a ban on phones in schools under Conservative rule.
- •The teachers’ union supported a social media ban for under-16s, citing concerns over usage.
- •Peter Mandelson praised Trump’s humor and directness but criticized his language, also highlighting Arctic security threats from China and Russia.
On January 11, 2026, the opposition leader boldly declared that a future Conservative government will ban phones in schools, presumably because middle schoolers sneakily invented nuclear codes via Snapchat. Meanwhile, the teachers’ union threw its weight behind a social media ban for under-16s, signaling a united front against TikTok tantrums. Not to be overshadowed, Peter Mandelson, former UK ambassador to who-knows-where, praised Donald Trump's 'humour, graciousness, and directness' with the sincerity of someone complimenting a hurricane’s décor. Mandelson admitted not enjoying Trump’s 'language'—which, translating diplomatic spin, means the verbal equivalent of a toddler throwing bricks. Adding Arctic intrigue, he warned of 'securing the Arctic against China and Russia,' as if the planet’s biggest ice tray was a community garden dispute.
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Ban phones for kids; celebrate Trump’s 'gracious language'; secure Arctic from global power bingo. Welcome to modern politics, where children lose phones but adults lose all sense.
The future Tory plan: turn schools into pocket-sized museums of ancient tech, while politicians charm us with insults and Arctic paranoia.
Teachers want social media banned; conservatives want phones banned; Peter Mandelson likes Trump’s jokes but hates his vocabulary. Evening entertainment sorted.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 1/11/2026 | Author: Yohannes Lowe
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