Campers Flee Early: Mosquitoes Demand Tribute, S'mores Disappear
In a shocking turn of events at summer camps nationwide, kids are logging out early due to mysterious bedwetting, sudden allergies, and 'witchcraft' accusations during canoe lessons. According to one camper, 'the spiders organized a mutiny,' prompting dozens to pack up before the second marshmallow roast. Experts confirm the top reasons for leaving summer camp early include 'acute boredom of forced friendship' and surprise encounters with 'rude squirrels who steal your snacks.' Sources report camp counselors are considering handing out early departure awards to reduce trauma. Definitely not your grandma’s summer camp experience anymore.
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Kids abandoning summer camp early like it’s a public Wi-Fi zone with no password. Mosquitoes and awkward campfire songs cited as top reasons. Permanent PTSD diagnosed in 3 out of 5 counselors.
Summer camp exits hit new highs as campers declare 'I’m not crying, you’re crying,' then immediately sprint for car rides and Wi-Fi.
Think summer camp is all friendship and s’mores? Think again, it’s apparently a covert mosquito recruitment center with sporadic ghost auditions.
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/6/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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