US Open: Where 29 Worn-Out Ball Boys Meet 1.5 Hour Sweat Fests
Welcome to the 2023 U.S. Open, the epic showdown where tennis A-listers like Jannik Sinner and Coco Gauff sweat it out in New York’s sweltering stadiums. Brace yourself for the staggering statistic that the average match ruins 29 ball boys — no, not kills, but wears through their sanity and shirts — and lasts a cozy 1.5 hours, perfect for ignoring family calls. With the fourth Grand Slam wrapping up the year’s tennis chaos, the only thing more exhausting than the players might be the poor kids fetching those rogue balls while the world watches closely, raising awareness about sport-induced ball boy burnout!
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At the U.S. Open, 29 ball boys face extinction every match while players casually spend 1.5 hours pretending their sweat is poetic. Meanwhile, the real sport is how fast those kids turn into human laundry machines.
Imagine training for years to watch Jannik Sinner hit tennis balls while 29 ball boys turn into fabric confetti per match—truly the ultimate survival sport.
The U.S. Open runs on ones and zeros? Nope, it’s 29 ball boys per match getting spiritually shredded and players ghosting you for 1.5 hours.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/1/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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