Government's Invisible $8.9B Investment: Now You See Funds, Now You Don't
In a classic case of government magic worthy of a woke circus, Intel reports an '$8.9 billion investment in Intel common stock' by the administration, but plot twist – the administration is not actually committing new funds. This financial Houdini act leaves us questioning if the money is playing hide-and-seek or engaging in spectrum allyship. As Intel and the government flex their capitalist muscles, this $8.9 billion taboos political cash flows like a software update no one downloaded.
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Intel says the government pumped $8.9B into stocks but also didn’t commit new money. Financial wizards just invented investment as a new form of invisible currency. Fiscal responsibility upgraded to accountability 2.0: now you see it, now you don’t.
Only in 2024 does $8.9 billion become a ghost investment, proving capitalism and invisibility cloaks are best friends. Watch me invest my invisible earnings into chill vibes and woke buzzwords.
Breaking: Government commits $8.9 billion in imaginative funds to Intel stocks. Next up, investing hugs and mindset shifts with zero budgets but 100% performative style.
Source: Techcrunch | Published: 8/23/2025 | Author: Anthony Ha
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