House GOP Runs on Vitamins, Police Escorts, and Pure Panic

KEY POINTS

•Following Marjorie Taylor Greene's resignation and Doug LaMalfa's death, the GOP holds a precarious 218-seat bare majority in the House.
•Rep. Wesley Hunt was escorted to a crucial vote limiting Trump's Venezuela war powers but left the Capitol after just 10 minutes.
•Despite injuries from a car accident, Rep. Jim Baird showed up with a neck brace, prompting leaders to push for serious attendance.

Mike Johnson’s razor-thin GOP majority is more fragile than my high school WiFi signal, especially with 2026 campaigning causing members to ghost votes like bad Tinder dates. After Marjorie Taylor Greene’s surprise resignation and Doug LaMalfa’s sudden death, the GOP holds a Medicare-worthy 218 seats versus Democrats' 213 plus a pending Texas gain. Texas Rep. Wesley Hunt, busy gatecrashing a three-way Senate primary, missed votes until summoned back with a police escort, arriving just long enough to prove he exists before booking it again mid-vote. Meanwhile, 80-year-old Jim Baird showed up wearing a neck brace and looking like a real-life Marvel superhero, setting a bruised example for slackers. Leaders like Steve Scalise now treat attendance like a medical miracle, warning reps to take vitamins and stay alive. Campaigners like Nancy Mace debate between town halls and debates like it's Survivor: South Carolina. Some insist voting beats campaigning if you want your soul or Senate seat. It’s Congressional Survivor out here, played with baby aspirin and escort cars.