Taliban’s Internet Blackout: Afghanistan’s Ultimate 'Disconnect' Therapy
In a grand gesture of digital doom, the Taliban executed a near-total internet blackout across Afghanistan, effectively turning the country into a no-WiFi zone, freezing both local chatter and foreign Twitter rants. This blackout isn’t just a tech glitch; it’s a morality crackdown so tight that even your spam emails can’t sneak through. The move cuts out dissent like a bad magician vanishing his assistant — but here, the assistant is free speech and the magician is paranoia. Newspapers and Zoom calls everywhere must be rejoicing silently as history repeats 'dial-up slow' trauma on steroids.
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Nothing says 'moral authority' like blocking the internet and turning a whole country into a forced digital detox. Who needs freedom of speech when you can have 'freedom from WiFi'? Taliban just singlehandedly made buffering a national pastime.
The Taliban’s internet blackout proves that controlling information is their version of a spa day: strict, quiet, and wildly unnecessary.
Cutting off internet access in Afghanistan is like unplugging your neighbor’s router to win an argument. Spoiler: no one’s convinced and everyone’s annoyed.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/30/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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