SNAP Seniors Outsmarting Cognitive Decline, Karen Not Included
An NIH-funded study reveals that older adults who participate in SNAP, the federal food assistance program, experience a 'slower rate of cognitive decline' compared to those eligible but not enrolled. As the article quotes, 'older adults who participated in SNAP showed a slower rate of cognitive decline than people who were eligible for the food assistance program but didnāt receive benefits.' Basically, grandmaās secret weapon to beating dementia might just be a government food cardātake that, late-stage capitalism and overpriced kale!
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Tell me youāre living in late-stage capitalism without telling me youāre living in late-stage capitalism: government food stamps literally slowing brain decay in seniors but CEOs still playing Sudoku with stock options. Priorities, folks.
This is giving big 'feeding grandma to save her sanity but not funding education' energy. Apparently, the best health plan is a government food coupon. Someone tell the billionaires while they snack on caviar.
When the federal food program outperforms Wall Street on keeping minds sharp, you know the economy's got a glitch. SNAP: slowing cognitive decline while capitalism speeds up inequality.
Source: Theonion | Published: 7/31/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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