Pope Leo XIV Preaches Arms Pandemic Cure, Subtle Minnesota Mass Drama
Pope Leo XIV, the Chicago-born, first-ever U.S. pontiff, solemnly offered prayers in St. Peter's Square for the victims of a Minneapolis Catholic school shooting that tragically killed 8-year-old Fletcher Merkel and 10-year-old Harper Moyski, plus injured 18 worshippers—because what's a Sunday Mass without a side of trauma? After initially sending the Vatican-equivalent of a 'thoughts and prayers' telegram, Leo ditched diplomatic twinkles and called for the 'pandemic of arms, large and small' to be stopped — perhaps hoping global weapon manufacturers hear that and start sweating. He also begged for a ceasefire in the Russia-Ukraine saga, trying his hand at diplomatic multitasking while reminding everyone that 'the voice of weapons must fall silent,' as if they had vocal cords in the first place. Meanwhile, the late Pope Francis, famous for branding gunsmiths as 'merchants of death,' probably facepalmed somewhere in eternity. Oh, and Leo delivered all this in English, because nothing says exorcising violence like a Chicago accent from the Vatican.
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The Pope, fresh off the Chicago assembly line, pleads to halt the global arms pandemic while gracing us with a prayer multitasking session featuring Minneapolis tragedy and Russia-Ukraine ceasefires. Because who doesn't want salvation with their daily geopolitical quiz?
Pope Leo XIV is out here treating global violence like a stubborn virus—with prayers, pleas, and enough solemnity to drown a Warsaw Pact reunion.
Only Pope Leo could mix school shootings, Russia-Ukraine ceasefires, and a linguistic cameo in St. Peter's Square like a diplomatic smoothie nobody asked for.
Source: Axios | Published: 9/1/2025 | Author: Rebecca Falconer
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