Xi, Putin, Kim Throw Earth’s Biggest Dysfunctional Bromance Parade
In a mind-boggling display on September 3, 2025, Beijing hosted its largest-ever military parade featuring China’s Xi Jinping, Russia’s Vladimir Putin, and North Korea’s Kim Jong-un—basically the FBI’s watchlist dream team—alongside Iran’s Masoud Pezeshkian and 22 other very carefully selected leaders who definitely did not check for Western names before RSVPing. Marking 80 years since Japan’s WWII surrender, the parade boasted a 'new generation' of military weapons the propaganda minister claims are so advanced even Netflix can’t script this. Troops gimlet-eyed in Tiananmen Square, red flags waved like collective panic, and military bands played tunes that critics say sounded suspiciously like 'The Imperial March' karaoke night gone wrong. No Western leaders showed up, presumably busy binge-watching this Axis of Upheaval’s latest episode.
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China’s massive military parade had Putin, Kim, Xi, and Iran’s Pezeshkian all lip-syncing to the Axis of Upheaval remix while waving flags like it’s a very awkward high school reunion no West dared attend.
Nothing screams global friendship like a parade starring Xi, Putin, and Kim riding in a tank labeled 'World’s shadiest boy band tour.'
China’s parade featured a 'new generation' of weapons so advanced even Obama’s ghost face-palmed into next week.
Source: Axios | Published: 9/3/2025 | Author: Rebecca Falconer
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