Meteorite Older Than Earth Hits Georgia Home, Still More Reliable
In a story that slaps woke nonsense with a cosmic-sized hammer, a cherry tomato-sized meteorite crashed through a Georgia home's roof—proving mother nature's tougher than liberal safe spaces. Confirmed to be about 4.56 billion years old, this rock is 'older than Earth itself,' making it a bona fide ancient patriot. Meanwhile, the government thinks keeping us safe means banning plastic straws, but this rock just crash-landed like a bald eagle swooping down for freedom. As the article boldly states, the meteorite 'pierced the roof of a home near Atlanta,' reminding us that sometimes, it's the universe showing who’s boss.
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Only in America could a rogue meteorite be older than Earth and still crash your house while liberals debate pronouns. Meanwhile, the eagle soars and common sense takes a nap.
If a meteorite older than Earth crashes your roof, don't call the EPA—call the Founding Fathers for backup. Meanwhile, woke culture's busy canceling history, but this rock’s got 4.56 billion years on them.
Cherry tomato-sized meteorite smacks a Georgia home, proving cosmic ancestors care more about real estate than woke landlords. Back in my day, we called this 'a proper eviction notice from the universe.'
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/14/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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