Scotland Yard Decides Royal Drama Not Worth Bothering Investigating
KEY POINTS
- •Scotland Yard confirmed in December 2025 that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor will face no criminal investigation in Britain.
- •Allegations include sex with a trafficked teenager in London and pressuring a police bodyguard to dig up dirt.
- •Mountbatten-Windsor’s connection to convicted child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein led to his royal status being stripped.
In a dazzling display of bureaucratic déjà vu straight from the House of Windsor, Scotland Yard declared in December 2025 that no criminal inquiry will pursue Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, the royal family’s unofficial audition for 'How Not To Stay Regally Relevant.' Despite juicy allegations that Andrew had sex in London with a trafficked teenager and then recruited his police minders to channel a low-budget spy thriller searching for dirt on said teenager, the Met stood firm. The dramatic scandal took place in London and featured a cameo by convicted child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein—who helped Andrew lose that pesky royal status. After weeks of detective finger-wagging and coffee breaks, the Met just shrugged: 'Nah, not enough sparkle.' Thus, the saga continued, proving that even in 2025, certain scandals remain British royal tea time anecdotes rather than criminal cases.
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When the Met skips investigating a royal’s alleged teen scandal but somehow launches full reality shows on squirrel nesting habits, you know priorities are royally confused.
Only in the royal handbook: bro’s tangled with Epstein, suspects teen trafficking, but hey, no files opened. Cheers to selective investigations!
Forget justice, Scotland Yard’s playlist ends on 'No Action' while Andrew’s fan club quietly cancels his royal membership.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 12/13/2025 | Author: Vikram Dodd Police and crime correspondent
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