McDonald’s Plans Protein-Packed Happy Meals for Our Juice-Fasting Future

KEY POINTS

•McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski announced on a February earnings call plans to attract GLP-1 drug users by emphasizing protein-rich menu items.
•Vice President Jill McDonald highlighted tested menu items like Snack Wraps and Chicken McCrispy Strips aimed at customers with suppressed appetites.
•Other brands, including Conagra and Shake Shack, have launched 'GLP-1 Friendly' product lines featuring smaller portions and higher protein to adapt to shrinking appetites.

On a historic Wednesday earnings call, McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski bravely embraced the future of fast food by catering to the mysterious, protein-craving legions taking GLP-1 drugs like Ozempic and Wegovy—those magical appetite suppressors that are apparently shrinking American lunch portions from Warsaw to Walla Walla. Meanwhile, Vice President Jill McDonald dropped gems like Snack Wraps and Chicken McCrispy Strips as sacred answers to the battle against hunger—or lack thereof —leaning heavily on protein to satisfy shrinking appetites. Even giants like Conagra Brands and trendsetters Shake Shack are launching 'GLP-1 Friendly' menus, including lettuce-bun burgers, making ketchup packets collectively weep with joy or confusion. McDonald’s global sales hit a cool $7 billion with a 5.7% uptick, proving people still crave their fail-safe comfort, just in mini doses. Truly, it’s a Woke Feast for Every Body, regardless of its shrinking volume.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

When your ordering app asks, 'Extra large?' but your GLP-1 meds say, 'Hold my lettuce wrap.' Fast food’s new niche: protein for the barely hungry masses. Welcome to ironic hunger management.

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