Mailman Faces Mid-Life Crisis, Postman Union Demands Retirement ASAP
In a courageous tale of postal perseverance, the article highlights that our beloved mailmanālet's call him The Walking Dead of USPSāhas officially reached 'too old to be out there,' a poignant milestone that transcends generational ageism and delivers a masterclass in workforce longevity. Unfortunately, no specific name, birthday, or last delivery time was given, which ironically echoes the invisibility many elders face in our hustle culture. The post appeared on The Onion, so naturally, it mixes the sacred with satireālike a senior citizen doing parkour on the mail route. Remember folks, respecting elders isnāt just woke, itās also mailman-made law of life, certified by delivery delays and union newsletters everywhere.
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When your mailman becomes a walking metaphor for stubborn workplace aging, itās a reminder that even USPS routes have expiration dates nobody wants to acknowledgeĀ ā respect your elders before they deliver your final warning letter.
The mailmanās so old, his last package was probably a telegram, yet USPS expects him to vibe with drone deliveries. Age aināt just a numberāitās a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Nothing says 'modern logistics' like a septuagenarian defying death and ergonomics on the daily. Soon heāll deliver the mail with a walker and Bluetooth headset combo.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/4/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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