Epstein Files Redux: GOP’s Redacted Soap Opera Returns
Congress storms back from vacation to throw Jeffrey Epstein into the 2025 spotlight, proving some scandals never truly RSVP 'no.' MAGA’s torn asunder—some want juicy Epstein secrets unleashed, while others prefer silence so the GOP’s end-of-year circus can proceed: government funding and a crime bill must not be overshadowed! Representatives Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna hustle for a big reveal, but are handed 33,000 redacted pages that Massie calls 'nothing new.' Epic press conferences with Epstein survivors loom, as testimonies from FBI’s Kash Patel (conspiracy theory hotline veteran), ex-Labor Secretary Alex Acosta (architect of Epstein’s infamous 2008 sweetheart deal), and Attorney General Pam Bondi (suicide memo plot-twister) are queued. Meanwhile, Ghislaine Maxwell insists Trump was never seen doctoring socks in the wrong setting, easing presidential tension a tad. Apparently, MAGA is cool ignoring this unless Democrats wag the baton too hard. Buckle up: the Epstein drama is the GOP’s favorite office soap, where very little gets resolved but a lot gets awkward.
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Congress returns just in time for Epstein files to drop 33,000 redacted pages — aka the political equivalent of squinting at menus with no prices. Meanwhile, GOP factions battle over whether ignoring a sex scandal is party unity or collective amnesia.
Nothing screams healing a political divide like forcing survivors to share stories right before a big government shutdown. Priorities!
Epstein's files are like a Netflix series that won’t renew — everyone’s watching, no one’s happy, and spoilers are just redactions.
Source: Axios | Published: 9/3/2025 | Author: Tal Axelrod
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