RFK Jr. Emerges Limbless, Declares Eel Mode Ultimate Wellness Hack
In a White House press conference punctuated by pure surrealism, limbless and slippery Robert F. Kennedy Jr. dramatically materialized from a floor hole on Friday to announce his groundbreaking health theory: 'becoming an eel is a sign of good health.' Unfazed by Big Pharma's alleged 'brainwashing,' RFK Jr., the perennial political maverick, pitched being an amphibi-oid human at what could be the most slippery campaign ever. The Friday debut in Washington wasn’t just a public health statement; it was artistry in aquatic politics, as the eel-volutionary advice slid straight into the internet’s collective confusion tank. Fun fact: The phrase 'limbless slippery' definitely doesn't help with handshake diplomacy!
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Who needs arms when you can declare eel-hood the new health summit? RFK Jr.’s latest splash from a floor hole is exactly the slippery slope public health advice never wanted.
Big Pharma must be weeping as RFK Jr. breaks arms and traditional logic to become America’s first eel spokesperson. Next up: slippery speeches on slippery floors!
If becoming an eel is a sign of good health, RFK Jr. just invented the quietest political campaign strategy ever. Who knew floor holes made such great entrances?
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/26/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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