Lab Rat Headline: Scienceās Smallest Worm Starring Eternal Wait
The Onion serves up pure gold with 'Lab Rat,' a story proudly trumpeting the pioneering plight of tiny lab rats who are reportedly doing absolutely adorable, if pointless, stuff under florescent lights. Itās like Navy SEAL training for rodentsāminus the medals and plus an overdraft of caffeine and anxiety. The article, a masterpiece of comedic anti-hype, mocks scientific papers that often treat tiny test subjects like rock stars, except these stars wear no sequins, only questionable genetics and existential dread. Fun fact: The story was published on an unspecified date but promises to haunt labs forever, spotlighting the thrilling drama of lab ratsā utterly mundane livesābecause who doesnāt want to celebrate unfathomable scientific tedium via sardonic pseudo-journalism?
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Lab rats now living the dream: fluorescent lights and endless menial tests. Next up, starring in the blockbusters of boredom. The only heroes forced to run mazes to uncover the secrets of human procrastination.
Congrats to lab rats pioneering the art of doing nothing under extreme stress. Scienceās cutest workaholics and the only creatures whose gym membership involves a tiny wheel nobody asked for.
If feeling stressed and underpaid was a science career path, lab rats have got the job description nailed. Living proof sweatpants werenāt invented just for humans.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/9/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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