Noem’s $11M Pier Fix: Disaster Aid for Billionaires First
FEMA’s new slowdown dance got serious when Homeland Security boss Kristi Noem decided she had to personally OK every disaster relief check over $100k — kind of like a CEO approving office snack orders. Meanwhile, the historic Naples pier, crushed by Hurricane Ian in 2022, languished in bureaucratic limbo until a major donor—and pinball enthusiast cardiologist Sinan Gursoy—pinged Noem. Suddenly, bam! $11 million expedited, a government jet trip, and a luxe dinner at Bleu Provence. North Carolina’s Senator Ted Budd? Still stuck trying to get a call back. Disaster aid now officially a VIP-only arcade game.
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When FEMA’s boss makes you wait but fast-tracks a hurricane-damaged millionaire’s pier after a $25k donation, disaster relief turns into a campaign fundraiser with fancy dinners. Meanwhile, normal folks can try waiting 3-5 lifetimes for help.
FEMA’s new motto: 'If you can’t get a call back, try making a $25k campaign donation and dinner invite first.' Waiting for aid? Better dust off that donor Rolodex.
Imagine FEMA as a theme park where only billionaire pier repairs get VIP fast passes while flood victims plead in the regular line. Sponsored by Politics & Pinball.
Source: Propublica | Published: 9/26/2025 | Author: by Joshua Kaplan, Justin Elliott and Alex Mierjeski
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