KPMG Checks ‘Press 1 for Safety, 2 for Corporate Trauma’
In true Big Four fashion meets bullet riddled lobby chic, KPMG shut down its 345 Park Avenue office after a shooting that sadly left four dead including an NYPD officer and a Blackstone exec. The company’s memo, dripping with corporate empathy, called it 'a terrible, tragic, and frightening event' and assured staff to 'press 1 if you are okay and press 2 if you need assistance.' Because nothing says support like a keypad trauma survey! Meanwhile, employees are told to 'work from home or another office' as the investigation continues, highlighting late-stage capitalism’s obsession with hustle even after tragedy.
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Nothing screams 2025 corporate culture like a mass shooting and an automated 'Press 1 for emotional wellness' hotline. KPMG turning trauma into tech support since... always. This is giving 'big trauma meets PowerPoint safety energy.'
KPMG’s response to a deadly workplace shooting: 'Press 1 if you’re safe.' Meanwhile, somewhere an old white guy in a suit is drafting a memo about how to 'optimize crisis synergy.'
KPMG shutting down 345 Park Avenue, but don’t worry—just press a button to confirm you didn't get shot. Late-stage capitalism: where your trauma is a checkbox in an HR spreadsheet.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 7/29/2025 | Author: Polly Thompson
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