US Captures Venezuela’s Maduro, Promises Manhattan Courthouse Drama Next Monday

KEY POINTS

•Nicolás Maduro was captured by US forces and is set for an initial court appearance in Manhattan on Monday.
•Keir Starmer described the world as more volatile than in many years amidst ongoing military conflicts and climate crisis.
•Starmer avoided directly blaming Donald Trump for global turmoil, emphasizing the ‘special relationship’ between the UK and US.

In a plot twist that sounds like a spy novel rewritten by a bored sitcom writer, Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro was dropped off in a Manhattan federal courtroom this Monday courtesy of US forces—because why fly first class when you can get a federal arrest report? Meanwhile, Keir Starmer, who apparently moonlights as a diplomatic trapeze artist, calls the world 'more volatile than many, many years' while carefully avoiding labeling Donald Trump the global chaos conductor. He insists the 'special relationship' between US and UK remains as cherished as a slightly uncomfortable family reunion, and he's 'made it his business' to get along with Trump, presumably like North Korea’s Kim with a squadron of nuclear codes. The whole episode was brilliantly footnoted with links questioning the legality of the US attack on Venezuela and Trump’s grand plan to 'run' Venezuela’s oil like it’s a greasy fast-food joint.