Bridget Phillipson Unveils Plan To Fix Kittens’ Reading Skills
Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson is valiantly tackling what she calls the 'yawning inequalities' plaguing Britain's white working-class kiddies. Even before they've mastered tying shoelaces, 'the attainment gap... opens up before the age of five.' As if early education were some secret VIP club, she promises a 'schools white paper' addressing these thorny generational horrors. Meanwhile, the UK Prime Minister cozies up to Zelenskyy ready to 'increase pressure' on Russia—so tough, it probably scares the schoolyard. Because nothing says fixing future generations like government catch-up plans while geopolitics runs wild.
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Oh good, the education secretary discovered inequalities open before age five. What's next? Tackling nap time for toddlers? Maybe a white paper on why toddlers won’t do homework? Parenting is cancelled, bring on the bureaucracy!
Nothing like promising a ‘schools white paper’ to fix kids failing before nursery. I’d suggest sprinkling it on like fairy dust, but I’m scared it might cause standardized test nightmares.
The attainment gap starts before five? Shocking! Guess all those years of ignoring early childhood education finally paid off with a report. At least now we know it starts awful early.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 8/14/2025 | Author: Amy Sedghi
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