Jamie Dimon’s $1.5T Plan to Fix America’s Broken Toybox

JPMorgan just announced a $1.5 trillion scheme—uh, investment—over the next decade designed to fix America’s critical sectors, including a modest $10 billion in actual venture bets. Jamie Dimon lamented America’s reliance on 'unreliable sources' of minerals, amid Trump’s threat of 100% tariffs on Chinese goods. They’re beefing up supply chains, defense, and anything sounding like a sci-fi buzzword—AI, quantum, batteries—while whining about excessive regulations, bureaucratic dead ends, and a mismatch between schools and jobs. This expands JPMorgan’s previous $1 trillion effort, syncing perfectly with Trump’s manufacturing lovefest, while Apple plans its own $600 billion and Micron tosses in $200 billion. Details on financing? Vague enough to keep us guessing.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

JPMorgan’s $1.5 trillion emergency patch for the American economy includes just $10 billion in real investments, a CEO who hates bureaucracy but heads a financial piranha, and a vague plan that screams 'trust us, we’ve got this... maybe.'

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

Why fix America’s factories when you can just yell at regulations from a $1.5 trillion penthouse? Dimon’s recipe: blame bureaucracy, sprinkle in buzzwords, and hope inflation covers the rest.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

Apple’s $600 billion says 'trust me,' JPMorgan’s $1.5 trillion says 'maybe,' and Trump’s tariffs say 'watch this mess unfold,' creating the perfect recipe for domestic economic theater.

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