Onion Throws Shade, Readers Scrub Up Confused
In a dazzling display of digital minimalism, The Onion's latest gem 'I’d Lather Not' refuses to spill any actual news, leaving readers—as of the article's publication date—bathed only in hyperlink shadows and scrubbed clean of detail. No specific dates, no dollar amounts, simply a noble link to itself, hosted on the venerable internet stage of The Onion. This edible metaphor for soap opera absence masterfully invites curiosity without delivering facts, proving that sometimes, less truly is more, especially when 'less' equals zero. If it were any cleaner, it might just be your shower floor.
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The Onion's latest post is soap that cleans your curiosity but leaves you totally dry—no facts, no fluff, just a hyperlink that's squeaky clean or just emptier than your shampoo bottle.
The new Onion post is like opening a shampoo bottle and finding it's all air—refreshingly useless and oddly satisfying in its emptiness.
Finally, an article about lather that lives up to its name by showing exactly how much content they didn’t foam up: zero bubbles, zero facts.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/29/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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