Parents Swap 'Because I Said So' For 'Oops, You Bought Too Much Junk'
KEY POINTS
- •Rachel Garlinghouse initially used old-school parenting when her oldest two kids were young, relying on strict discipline like 'my way or the highway.'
- •After learning about child psychology and adoptee trauma, she and her husband adopted a gentler approach emphasizing natural consequences and trust.
- •Her four adopted children, ranging from 9 to teenage years, have developed empathy and problem-solving skills under this gentler, trauma-informed parenting style.
Rachel Garlinghouse, an adoptive mother of four spanning 9-year-old to teenager, admits past 'old-school' parenting—translation: plenty of 'my way or the highway' and spanking endorsements by 20th-century experts—gave way to gentle parenting. Since the mid-2010s, she's embraced trauma-informed methods after discovering most adoptees carry separation trauma. Her family's epic parenting pivot includes ditching punishments for natural consequences, like letting allowance blowouts teach budgets mysteriously vanish until next payday. Despite fears that gentle means permissive, Rachel now praises her empathy-raising, problem-solving teens who 'know their place' with love, not loud threats. Maya Angelou would nod approvingly.
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Gentle parenting: Because yelling 'Because I said so' at an adopted kid born with trauma ages like milk, not wine.
Old-school parenting said, 'Spank now, ask questions later.' New-school says, 'Oops, no allowance till Halloween.' Same result: kids learning math the hard way.
Raising kids old-school means you're CEO of Fear Inc. Switching to gentle means more like HR manager of Feelings LLC. Still no sick days allowed.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 1/8/2026 | Author: Rachel Garlinghouse
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