LinkedIn, YouTube, and Uber Team Up to Shred My Psyche in Year-End Recaps
KEY POINTS
- •In 2025, Henry Chandonnet was ranked in LinkedIn's top 5% of users and dubbed a 'Catalyst' for his daytime activity and prolific posting.
- •YouTube confirmed Henry’s love for 'Reality TV recaps,' placing him in the top 0.3% of viewers for Real Housewives and awarding him for quoting TV moments randomly.
- •Spotify revealed Henry listened to nearly 28,000 minutes of podcasts, while Dunkin' summarized his go-to order of iced coffee and donuts and Partiful called him 'codependent.'
In the spirit of public shaming disguised as nostalgia, 2025’s app recap extravaganza featured LinkedIn proudly telling Henry Chandonnet he’s a 'Catalyst' with 'true daytime energy' and 4,248 profile views – yay? YouTube outed him as the world's unluckiest reality TV recap junkie, hitting the top 0.3% for Real Housewives compilations and earning a lifetime achievement award for 'random iconic TV quotes.' Spotify decided 27,999 minutes of podcasts was just enough to declare him a normie, crowned by Lady Gaga's eternal reign over his ears. Dunkin' confirmed his addiction to iced coffee and donuts while Partiful’s classic burn labeled him 'codependent' for co-creating a housewarming invite. Uber's elusive 'YOUBER' recap stayed a ghost, but Henry suspects it would feature nonstop 3 a.m. rides from Bushwick and Chinese takeout binges. Apparently, apps know you better than you know yourself – but kindly, they rub it in anyway.
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When LinkedIn calls you a 'Catalyst,' YouTube brands you the reality TV quote machine, and Spotify counts every minute of your podcast sobbing, you've officially let the apps run your life—and they're judging your snack choices too.
Congratulations, you’re officially 'top 5%' on LinkedIn, which means you’re the professional equivalent of that kid who always raised their hand. Meanwhile, your YouTube habit is aggressively embracing your reality TV dumpster fire lifestyle.
Nothing screams adulthood like a digital dossier telling you how many times you’ve ordered Chinese food after 3 a.m., because Uber and Dunkin’ apparently moonlight as your parental units.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 12/18/2025 | Author: Henry Chandonnet
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