Hurricane Melissa’s WrestleMania: Jamaica Takes The Body Slam
Hurricane Melissa decided October 26th was the perfect day for a career jump from Tropical Storm to Category 4 diva, ramping up winds from 70 mph Saturday morning to 145 mph Sunday like she’s trying out for The Fast & The Furious: Caribbean Drift. Jamaica’s PM Andrew Holness, clearly faced with choosing between a Netflix binge and evacuations, urged citizens to 'avoid unnecessary risks'—translation: no TikTok dances during blackouts. With flash floods threatening to turn Michael Manley Boulevard into Venice's budget sequel, Icelandic musicians in Jamaica would be busy if anyone left power on to stream music. Four deaths already, 15-30 inches of rain with 40-inch horror shows possible, and Boko-libs call climate change the VIP sponsor, with temps 'warmest since 2023 and 2024, except for those years.' NHC deputy Jamie Rhome’s message? "Get your bottled water and break out the Fortnite shelters, this party’s gonna last days."
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Melissa skipped the solo tropical storm gig and went straight to Category 4 diva status, turning Jamaica into FEMA’s new favorite sequel location with 145 mph winds and promising days-long blackouts. Twitter, start your disaster memes.
If rapid intensification was an Olympic sport, Melissa just took gold, silver, and bronze faster than you can say 'climate change.' Jamaica, pack snacks—this hurricane's got stamina.
Melissa's 15-30 inches of rain might finally make Jamaicans decide if they want reggae or real-life Noah's Ark vibes. Spoiler: nobody asked for epic flooding.
Source: Axios | Published: 10/26/2025 | Author: Rebecca Falconer
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