Hummingbird Loses Life Purpose Watching Lazy Hawk Glide
On an unremarkable Tuesday in Springdale, UT, a local male hummingbird experienced an existential crisis that would make even the most stressed CEO cringe. After spot-checking the skies and witnessing a hawk effortlessly gliding—achieving hours of smooth, slow-mo flight that seemingly required less energy than a Netflix binge—the hummingbird bluntly self-identified as a 'huge fucking idiot.' Despite years of vibrating at roughly 53 wingbeats per second, flitting manicly like a caffeinated toddler in a toy store, our feathered friend questioned his entire life strategy. No hawk stress, no cardio, just effortless bird swag. The world watched in awkward solidarity.
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Why flap endlessly when you can just glide? This hummingbird’s new midlife crisis is peak 21st-century energy efficiency karma. Nature really does have its irony CEOs.
If hummingbirds could join a union, this guy would lead negotiations for mandatory gliding breaks and less chronic adrenaline junkie syndrome.
Watching a hawk glide while you flail endlessly is basically nature’s way of telling you: maybe stop trying so hard and enjoy a snack.
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/26/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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