Gaza Aid: Now With 70 Checkpoints And None Of The Food
The U.N. and Doctors Without Borders sound the alarm on mass starvation in Gaza as aid distribution turns into an obstacle course. According to the Onion, the 'U.S. and Israeli-backed Gaza Humanitarian Fund' ensures help arrives only after '70-80 checkpoints' and a thorough crumb wipe from IDF soldiers. Aid recipients are identified 'through rifle scope,' proving that charity and bureaucracy have never been better bedfellows. It's a masterclass in starvation management, delivered with that trademark bureaucratic efficiency that says, "We care... from a very safe distance."
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Aid in Gaza now comes with an exclusive 70-checkpoint obstacle course, complete with IDF crumb inspectors. Nothing says "humanitarian" like scanning your meals through a rifle scope before hunger sets in.
Who needs hunger when you can have the ultimate mystery tour? Gazaās aid delivery is basically the Hunger Games, but with more checkpoints and less food.
Gazaās humanitarian aid checklist: Step 1 - be seen through a rifle scope. Step 2 - do eighty laps of checkpoints. Step 3 - get crumbs wiped off. Stay hungry, folks!
Source: Theonion | Published: 7/31/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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