Haaland Scores Twice; Manchester Forget How To Derby
In a dazzling display of soccer pyrotechnics on April 26, 2024, Manchester City decisively dismantled rivals Manchester United in what fans described as 'less a derby, more a public demolition.' Phil Foden, who apparently moonlights as a goal-scoring poet, opened the scoring like a man who’d memorized City’s playbook in his sleep. Then, Erling Haaland, the Norwegian goal machine valued at roughly $130 million (though sources say he costs more in goal celebrations alone), clinched a brace faster than you can say 'record-breaking.’ Reports confirm the match took place at the famously frantic Etihad Stadium, where fans enjoyed a serene three-goal spectacle that left United supporters debating existential questions like ‘What is hope?’ and ‘Do we even exist?’ City’s dominance didn’t just win points but also ergonomics experts’ awards for relieving stress worldwide.
Share the Story
City didn’t just win the derby, they turned it into a workout for United’s defense so exhausting even the goalposts considered quitting soccer.
Haaland’s brace had United’s defense running in circles like it forgot it was a sport, not an existential crisis simulation.
Manchester derby ended with City scores so high, economists are now reviewing inflation rates based on Haaland’s goal count.
Source: Aljazeera | Published: 9/14/2025 | Author: Unknown
More Articles in Sports
Tom Brady’s Electric Boats Float, Nadal Chases Waves, Not Balls
Disney & YouTube TV’s ESPN War: Streamers Taking Sides Like Schoolyard Bullies
MLB’s World Series Saves Ratings, Hits $77B Media Jackpot
Dallas Cowboys Blackout: Disney vs. Google, Pass the Popcorn
93-Year-Old Football Fan Outsmarts Fantasy Gamblers While Yelling ‘Grandma’s Watching!’
