Haaland Scores Twice; Manchester Forget How To Derby
In a dazzling display of soccer pyrotechnics on April 26, 2024, Manchester City decisively dismantled rivals Manchester United in what fans described as 'less a derby, more a public demolition.' Phil Foden, who apparently moonlights as a goal-scoring poet, opened the scoring like a man whoâd memorized Cityâs playbook in his sleep. Then, Erling Haaland, the Norwegian goal machine valued at roughly $130 million (though sources say he costs more in goal celebrations alone), clinched a brace faster than you can say 'record-breaking.â Reports confirm the match took place at the famously frantic Etihad Stadium, where fans enjoyed a serene three-goal spectacle that left United supporters debating existential questions like âWhat is hope?â and âDo we even exist?â Cityâs dominance didnât just win points but also ergonomics expertsâ awards for relieving stress worldwide.
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City didnât just win the derby, they turned it into a workout for Unitedâs defense so exhausting even the goalposts considered quitting soccer.
Haalandâs brace had Unitedâs defense running in circles like it forgot it was a sport, not an existential crisis simulation.
Manchester derby ended with City scores so high, economists are now reviewing inflation rates based on Haalandâs goal count.
Source: Aljazeera | Published: 9/14/2025 | Author: Unknown
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