Judge Says Sorry, No Peeking at Epstein’s Skeleton Closet
In a legal episode so subtle it's basically shouting, Judge Paul A. Engelmayer slammed the DOJ's request to unseal Ghislaine Maxwell's grand jury transcripts with, 'There is none,' referring to any 'special circumstance' justifying this popcorn-worthy reveal. Despite sizzling public pressure to expose the Epstein saga's backstage, the court is putting the kibosh on spilling those dirty deets—proving once again, in late-stage capitalism, secrets love their velvet curtains almost as much as billionaires' offshore accounts.
Share the Story
Tell me you want justice without telling me you want to keep court secrets locked tighter than a billionaire’s zodiac sign. This is giving mid-2000s conspiracy theory energy but with less truth and more stale legalese.
Big DOJ energy asking for receipts while the judge hits them with a hard 'nah fam.' This is like Netflix buffering right at the plot twist—frustrating but totally predictable.
Watching the government chase after grand jury transcripts is like watching a toddler try to reach the cookie jar—adorable effort but nope, cookies stay hidden.
Source: Axios | Published: 8/11/2025 | Author: Avery Lotz
More Articles in US News
Politico Announces Australia Launch for 2026, Because Why Not Start Late?
Sydney Sweeney's $1M Flop, Trump-Approved Jeans & Bathwater Soap Fiasco
Digital Nomad Trapped in Lisbon FOMO, Ends Up BFF Ghosted
30 Lawmakers Diplomatically Skip Trump Speech For The 'People’s State Of The Union' Party
Traveler Confirms Small Towns Are America’s Scenic Waiting Rooms
Buy 1794 D.C. Home: $1.3M For Seven Fireplaces and a 1960s Time Capsule Kitchen
Trump Resumes Student Loan Collections, Wallets Everywhere Beg for Mercy
Pentagon Threatens AI ‘Supply Chain Risk’ As Claude Throws Digital Tantrum
